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Why Getting Engaged Is So Stressful

I’m in an usual position in that I’m often the first wedding supplier a couple will meet after getting engaged – I like to think of myself as being on the wedding frontline! It’s an incredible privilege to share in their excitement and introduce them to the wonderful world of weddings, but, more often than not, I meet a couple who are overwhelmed by the task ahead of them.

On getting engaged, the first questions a couple faces are when and where they’re getting married. The initial excitement can quickly fade as they become increasingly frustrated by being unable to answer such questions. Worse than that, it can often feel as though the wedding might never happen and it’s not ‘real’ because until you know where you’re getting married, you can’t imagine what it might look like.

The venue can inform so many of your decisions – from the colour scheme, details, even the dress – that a bride is anxious to start envisaging where she’ll be saying her vows, where the speeches will be toasted and where the first dance will take place. Unease sets in and can soon turn to panic if you make the mistake of picking up a magazine or two and discovering that you should have started Googling wedding venues whilst he was still down on one knee!

Personally, I believe that a venue is only ever the backdrop to your celebrations.  Obviously we’re fortunate to have a very beautiful house and I believe that our team are unparalleled in exceeding your expectations. Ultimately, however, the day is about celebrating a lifelong commitment in front of your friends and family; you shouldn’t put your plans on hold simply because a venue doesn’t have the Saturday in June that you’d hoped for!

Kristina & Gareth Fetcham Park Wedding Paul White Photography© Paul White Weddings

No venue is ever ‘perfect’ and that’s why the process of choosing one is so hard. I can only liken it to buying a home: by visiting a number of properties you’ll refine what’s most important to you. People very rarely walk into an estate agent looking to buy a basement flat, but an estate agent is wise enough (yes, I did say that) to show a variety of properties so that they can adjust their expectations. Often people will change their priorities and sacrifice light for space.

Similarly, it’s unlikely that one venue will tick all the boxes, so it’s a question of prioritising and being realistic with your budget. For example, we don’t have onsite accommodation – and have therefore worked tirelessly to find incomparable partners – but it’s amazing how that stops being an issue once people have seen the Salon! And, much like buying a house, you will probably know as soon as you set foot in the door whether it’s the right venue for you.

So please forgive me for bursting the bubble a little, but getting engaged and the subsequent search for a venue are often the most stressful parts of wedding planning (particularly if it means refining your guest list, too). It’s a position I remember all too well and my sincere wish is that by the time a couple leaves the house, they’re feeling reassured and excited about their plans again, even if Fetcham Park isn’t the right place for their celebrations.

Don’t worry if the start of your wedding planning hasn’t proven as exciting as you hoped it would be – coming to terms with the reality of your budget and finding the perfect location isn’t as easy as you might imagine and you’re definitely not alone. If you need a little more help in choosing your wedding venue, make sure you download our checklist to take with you on your wedding planning travels.

Love, Laura

Top image courtesy of efc photography

  • Rebecca D'Amato Jan 21, 2014

    oh my! this is SO true! I LOVE weddings, plan events and blog of events, but now that it is me….it has been a bit stressful. I keep reminding myself to just enjoy and not stress! xoxo